DGA DETECTIVES & DGA BAIL BONDS 

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The Life of a Real Private Eye...

By Dale Gustafson

 Almost everyone I talk to will get around to asking, “Is the life of a real Private Eye as exciting as one on TV?” 

My answer is “Yes, sure it is...” Except, I haven’t been in a car chase lately.  I haven’t been in a fistfight since high school, and the last time I fired my gun was at the target range for my annual qualification.  As for beautiful woman -- just my wife and daughters. 

In real life, the workings of a Licensed Private Investigator may not be as exciting as Magnum or Mannix, but the job has its moments.  Here are a few slices of a Private Investigators life from my case files.

One of my most requested services is an “Asset Search.”

Mr. “Jones” lost a judgment in a serious personal injury case to several people.  He was a convicted drunk driver who had, in his most recent adventure, managed to damage 17 cars and injure 8 people.  He claimed to be without assets.  No job, divorced and homeless, it appeared that any attempts at recovery against the man were pointless... 

Most of the plaintiffs abandoned the case thinking it was unrecoverable.  The insurance companies wrote it off, but we felt the defendant was hiding something.  We asked our client if we could continue the case on a “contingent claim” basis -- that’s where we invest our time and money at no cost or risk to the client in exchange for a percentage of the recovery.

Our first inclination that the defendant was hiding assets was during the criminal proceedings.  The Defendant managed to get off with an unusually light sentence:  some community service and probation.  Not the normal for a repeat offender, he had an excellent attorney -- or should I say a very expensive attorney...

As the statute deadline approached for the civil case, most of the Plaintiffs, and their insurance companies, didn’t even bother to file thinking that there were no recoverable assets.  They went on the Defendant’s word and never did anything but a cursory asset check.

After a short investigation, we learned that Mr. “Jones” and his ex-wife seamed to be on far better terms than most divorced couples.  In fact, she had control of his pension and his “state annuity”.

A “state annuity” is another way of saying “Supper Lotto Winner.”  This guy had successfully concealed his assets until most of the people who could have won a judgment against him had given up...  Our client was the only one paid... 

 On occasion, we will do something called ”bail enforcement” for a Bondsman.  Basically, this is where someone is out on a bail bond and failed to show up for a court date. 

Mr. “Green” failed to show for a court appearance on a DUI and the bondsman couldn’t contact the guy, so we went to his house to give him a ride to jail.  Mr. “Green” was about 5’ 5” and weighed 110 pounds dripping wet.  When he answered the door, clad only in his T-shirt and boxer shorts, I told him we were headed to jail.  I put hand cuffs on him and expected him to ask for a moment to get a pair of pants or something, but to my amazement, he seemed anxious to go as quickly and as quietly as possible. 

We were almost to the car when I heard Mr. “Green” whimper, “Oh my God, here she comes.”  I looked up to see a 400-pound woman lumbering at us from the house.  She actually had to turn slightly to fit through the front door.  All the while she was shouting obscenities and threats of death to my charge. 

Mr. “G” bolted in a panic down the street.  I jumped in the car and locked the door as the corpulent woman, armed with a large kitchen knife, jogged by in pursuit of her errant husband.   

I learned later that Mr. “Green” had apparently not informed his lovely mate that he had fallen off the AA wagon, losing the family car in process.  Mrs. “Green” apparently took it as a personal responsibility to make sure her husband maintained his sobriety.

I was able to pick up an out-of-breath Mr. “Green” about a half a mile away.  Still handcuffed, he had built up enough distance from his mate to be placed safety in the car for a clean escape to jail.

Going on a “surveillance” or “steak-out” is always exciting on the TV, but in real life it is usually a boring detail.  Now days, most surveillance is done at the request of insurance companies on people they suspect of Worker’s Compensation fraud. 

It was barely 6:30 AM when I rolled up to the home of Ms. ”Conjob” for a one-day surveillance to verify her claims of a disabling back injury.  I arrived just in time to watch her bounce out of her house and into the car.  She was wearing a leotard and seamed to be uninjured by the way she moved.  I followed her to a prominent gym in Burbank where she parked her car and went inside. 

It was a storefront type of set-up and I could clearly see everything inside the gym.  I backed my car up to the window as a session of aerobics began.  To my surprise, Ms. ”Conjob” was the instructor.  For the next two hours, she instructed four different classes.  I decided I had seen enough when I ran out of videotape...

The following week, I attended the hearing on her claim.  She actually showed up using a “walker” with a young man, dressed like a nurse, assisting her in and out of her chair...  You should have seen her face when we showed the video.

 One of the things we do is “Difficult Process Service.”  If the sheriff can’t serve your papers, and a regular process server can’t serve them, it’s time to call a Private Investigator.  We know all the tricks.

In Beverly Hills, a large estate belongs to a foundation of supposed psychics, headed by a man who promotes himself as “Psychic to the Stars.”  (There are actually about 15 guys in Los Angeles that try to claim this title).  This particular gentleman had lost a judgment to our client, but no one seemed able to get him served with papers.  I went to the foundation claiming to be a psychic myself.  They quickly enrolled me in an exclusive ‘Psychic Training Class” that our target would be instructing (for a sizable cash donation).

On the evening of the class, we were instructed to place our donations in an envelope and hand them to the Physic as we entered the mansion.  As I approached the Psychic, I held out the envelope and he grabbed it like it was full of money...  “Some Physic you are,” I sneered, “The only thing in that envelope is a court order to appear for examination.”

His immediate retort was, “I knew that...”

Most of my day is usually spent on the telephone or computer.  Like any other small businessman, I spend much of my time on the mundane things that go along with running a business (when was the last time you saw Magnum standing in line at the post office). It may not be like on TV, but being a Private Investigator is interesting and challenging work...  And every now and then, maybe it is like TV.

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